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Should my therapist be telling me what to do?
Telling You What To Do It’s OK for therapists to share their thoughts and opinions if you ask for advice, but they shouldn’t be ordering you around. Therapy is supposed to empower you and give you the cognitive skills to make great decisions. Telling you what to do defeats that purpose and is an ethical grey area. Therapists are people just like you Most therapists entered the mental health field because they had to work on themselves or they experienced a life-changing event in the past. Therefore, they may be drawn to clients who can relate to their circumstances. Don’t Tell Lies Or Half-Truths That can make it feel even harder when speaking with a mental health professional you’ve just met. If your therapist asks about something that’s difficult for you to discuss, you may resist telling the truth or fail to offer up the details of the situation. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session.
Why won’t my therapist tell me what to do?
“We help them to understand the best method for their situation, rather than giving them a cookie-cutter approach,” Fu says. That’s not to say that therapists can’t help you through a conundrum. But rather than giving immediate answers, they act as guides so you learn to make good decisions for yourself. Some things that suggest that your therapist may be less than helpful are the following: You complain about not being able to make any significant progress and your therapist tells you that you have to process the problem emotionally before you can expect any changes. Many therapists give advice, but there isn’t a single correct answer to the question of whether they should. Giving advice in the context of therapy — something that sounds benign — is actually a controversial and divisive issue. They point to a theme I often hear from therapists: We want clients to be as invested in the process as we are. We like it when they’re motivated to work in and out of the session, ready to try new things and willing to look deep inside. When these ideal elements are in place, therapy tends to progress nicely. We walk a fine line of being on your side but making sure that you are grounded and can maintain proper boundaries. So yes, we as therapists do talk about our clients (clinically) and we do miss our clients because we have entered into this field because we remain hopeful for others.
Is my therapist actually helping me?
You also know therapy is working if you’re using the skills you learned in session, outside of session. For example, are you better able to set boundaries with others, prioritize your own needs and demands, and effectively deal with situations without spiraling into a panic attack? These are great signs of progress. Stopping therapy may be an option if you feel you have achieved all the goals you set and you’ve developed the skills to move on. You’ve learned how to manage your symptoms or have found a way to move through a challenge. Biweekly Sessions Often you’re only able to discuss one area or thing that happened to you. Therapy twice a week on the other hand allows you to go much deeper. We recommend this option for people who want to take the skills they’ve learned in therapy and apply them to their life in a more practical way. So clients often have feelings for their therapists that are like the ones that children have towards their parents. Sometimes it feels like falling in love. Transference is completely natural and normal, and it can enhance the experience of therapy significantly. Turns out it’s pretty easy to find resources and articles that say no, it’s not recommended. The reasons given (often by therapists) include splitting, conflicting treatment plans, creating secrets (especially if they aren’t aware of each other or aren’t in communication).
What happens if you tell your therapist too much?
The short answer is that you can tell your therapist anything – and they hope that you do. It’s a good idea to share as much as possible, because that’s the only way they can help you. Looking ahead. Sharing something you think is too sensitive or personal can be uncomfortable. But know you’re not alone in thinking you’ve disclosed too much in therapy. When this happens, it can help to explore why you think you’ve overshared and talk it over with your therapist. Can I ask My Therapist What He/She Thinks of Me? Yes, you can, and yes you should. This is a reasonable question to ask a therapist, and any good therapist will be happy to answer. Surveys show most patients aren’t honest with their therapists. It’s not unusual for patients in my therapy office to lie to me. Sometimes, they lie because they’re embarrassed. At other times, they’re afraid they’re somehow going to get into trouble if they tell me the truth. A look can communicate so many things: compassion, caring, warmth. Your therapist’s hope is that if you meet their eyes, you’ll feel their positive regard for you. They want you to know you’re with someone who cares. They want you to know that how you feel and what you say matter to them.
Should a therapist tell you about their life?
The basic rule of thumb is that therapists should not be getting their own needs met by self-disclosing to clients. Even in peer counseling programs such as AA, the leaders are usually those who no longer need to talk about their own struggles in every meeting. Recent difficulties are best avoided. Because a therapy session is totally and completely about you, it isn’t quite a two-way conversation. A therapist or psychiatrist is actually trained to listen. They are not only listening to what you are saying, they are listening for what you are not saying. Five to six patients a day is a pretty typical number of clients for a therapist in private practice to see. Keep in mind, you want to buffer one or two slots in the event of cancellations to actually see the number of clients you are aiming for. Therapy has been found to be most productive when incorporated into a client’s lifestyle for approximately 12-16 sessions, most typically delivered in once weekly sessions for 45 minutes each. For most folks that turns out to be about 3-4 months of once weekly sessions. In fact, according to one psychotherapist, some patients actually suffer from too much therapy. Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, contends that in many cases, the more therapy sessions someone attends, the less likely they are to be effective.