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Is it possible my therapist is attracted to me?
Therapists’ Feelings and Behaviors Toward Clients Most therapists (71 percent) said they, either sometimes or regularly, found a client sexually attractive. Approximately 23 percent had fantasized about being in a romantic relationship and 27 percent about having sexual contact with a patient. Of the 585 psychologists who responded, 87% (95% of the men and 76% of the women) reported having been sexually attracted to their clients, at least on occasion. Indeed, like therapists, patients may develop sexual or romantic feelings for the person with whom they are working so closely and intimately, sometimes for months or years. Reasons people fall in love with their therapist Waichler explains, “The therapeutic relationship between patient and therapist is an intimate one.” Strong feelings and emotions are involved in therapy so it’s not surprising many people develop romantic feelings for their therapist. You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn’t uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as “erotic transference,” which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist. It’s not uncommon for therapists to have feelings for clients, and vice versa—call it transference, countertransference, or something else. But we have to remember that it’s the therapist’s job to meet the client’s therapeutic needs and goals, not the therapist’s own personal or professional wants and needs.
What to do if you are attracted to your therapist?
Be completely honest and transparent. If you start developing feelings for your therapist, tell him or her about it. “Be honest with yourself and with your therapist,” Scharf says. “Your therapist could talk those feelings through with you, what they mean and how to manage them. So, to answer the question, “Is my therapist attracted to me?”– the context of their actions is crucial. The actions may include a shift in boundaries, such as allowing sessions to go overtime or taking your calls between sessions, or if they appear to seek out opportunities to touch you deliberately. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. Westefeld, PhD, many psychologists agree that the therapist who expresses emotion with a client models integrity, encourages more open communication and often reinforces a client’s instincts, all helpful therapeutic tools. It’s important to be yourself and to be genuine, Westefeld says. Yes. We care. If you feel genuinely cared for by your therapist, it’s real. It’s too hard to fake that. Therapists’ Feelings and Behaviors Toward Clients Most therapists (71 percent) said they, either sometimes or regularly, found a client sexually attractive. Approximately 23 percent had fantasized about being in a romantic relationship and 27 percent about having sexual contact with a patient.
Should I tell my therapist I am attracted to him?
Your impulse may be to hide romantic or sexual feelings toward your therapist. However, you can and should disclose these thoughts and feelings. Therapists know this happens sometimes, and good therapists are trained to respond with compassion while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They won’t tell you that. It’s too dangerous. A therapist will almost never say, I love you, even if they feel or think it. Therapists know that the therapy relationship can be confusing, and it’s not unusual for clients to get the wrong idea and fall in love with their therapists. None of the ethics boards that regulate mental health professionals specifically prohibit the use of touch or view it as unethical. There are times when your therapist may believe that it’s more harmful to you not to initiate a hug. In some cases, nonsexual, therapeutic touch may be beneficial. Transference in therapy is the act of the client unknowingly transferring feelings about someone from their past onto the therapist. Freud and Breuer (1895) described transference as the deep, intense, and unconscious feelings that develop in therapeutic relationships with patients.
Why am I so obsessed with my therapist?
An interesting aspect of therapy is an experience called “transference.” Transference means that the feelings you have for someone important in your life are unconsciously transferred to another person—in this case the therapist. We all have feelings like that; it’s quite normal. Therapists experience transference as well, which is known as countertransference. Since a therapist is also human, he or she will have their own history of hope, love, desire to heal others, as well as their own sadness, attachment wounds and relationship issues. Over the course of therapy, a therapist works with you to develop what is known as a therapeutic alliance. This alliance is defined as how a therapist and client interact with one another. It is a type of bond where both people agree to work toward agreed-upon goals in order to produce a positive change. It’s easy to feel like you need to talk about “deep” or “serious” issues in therapy But remember, there’s no “correct” topic to discuss in therapy. You can talk about whatever you want. True, some people come to therapy to address something specific, like anxiety or depression. When the psychologist mirrors, he or she is giving attention, recognition, and acknowledgement of the person. If the patient has a deep need to feel special, than the therapist’s interest in understanding, and the provision of undivided attention, is reparative.
Why am I so attached to my therapist?
The general idea is that, unconsciously, emotional feelings that you may have had or wished you could have had as a child are transferred from your parents or other caretaker to your therapist. So clients often have feelings for their therapists that are like the ones that children have towards their parents. Therapists are people just like you For example, a therapist may be drawn to people with complex trauma histories and enjoy working with them. Others, on the other hand, may relate more to the circumstances of some clients than others. Developing romantic feelings for your therapist is common, and it’s called transference. Attachment between a therapist and patient, or client, can be healthy, strong, and a key part of healing. Knowing my therapist is attached to me is one of the things that helps me feel safe—and for the kind of work that I have to do in therapy, it’s an absolute necessity. Findings revealed that therapists have strong emotional and behavioral responses to a patient’s dissociation in session, which include anxiety, feelings of aloneness, retreat into one’s own subjectivity and alternating patterns of hyperarousal and mutual dissociation.
What to do if you find your therapist attractive?
Be completely honest and transparent. If you start developing feelings for your therapist, tell him or her about it. “Be honest with yourself and with your therapist,” Scharf says. “Your therapist could talk those feelings through with you, what they mean and how to manage them. You want to see a therapist who you trust, respect, and believe has a good understanding of you and your symptoms, and you also want to get along with this person on an interpersonal level. Knowing that you can say anything to your therapist and it will remain in the room helps you feel safe and builds trust between you and the therapist. For this reason, all therapists are legally and ethically bound to keep their sessions confidential and not share with anyone else what was talked about. We walk a fine line of being on your side but making sure that you are grounded and can maintain proper boundaries. So yes, we as therapists do talk about our clients (clinically) and we do miss our clients because we have entered into this field because we remain hopeful for others. Therapists’ Feelings and Behaviors Toward Clients Most therapists (71 percent) said they, either sometimes or regularly, found a client sexually attractive. Approximately 23 percent had fantasized about being in a romantic relationship and 27 percent about having sexual contact with a patient.
How do I know if Im too attached to my therapist?
If your therapist is the first person you want to talk to about it and you hesitate to take action before talking to her, you may have become too dependent. If you feel like you cannot live your life without your therapist’s involvement, you may have an unhealthy attachment. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. In the end, there isn’t a huge need to ask your therapist if they like you—especially if you’re making progress in therapy. Because you wouldn’t be making progress if there wasn’t some sort of positive connection between you. But it’s actually a good thing to ask them. It’s okay to ask your therapist about their life. Any questions you have in therapy are valid and are likely relevant to the therapeutic process. Whether your therapist answers the question and shares personal information can depend on their individual personality, philosophy, and approach to your treatment.
Is it normal to fall for your therapist?
Developing feelings for your therapist is actually pretty common. The therapeutic relationship is unique in that it’s so personal on one side, yet impersonal on the other. Indeed, like therapists, patients may develop sexual or romantic feelings for the person with whom they are working so closely and intimately, sometimes for months or years. Whether or not you’ve personally witnessed a therapist cry, it’s a fairly common occurrence. In a 2013 study, almost three-quarters of psychologists admitted they’ve shed tears during a session. Some patients might appreciate the display of compassion. Today, counselors acknowledge that countertransference is inevitable. They are human and prone to having their own issues emerge, often without them even realizing it. Sessions can trigger past experiences, unresolved issues, implicit beliefs and an array of emotions. Research has shown that effective counselors fit one specific personality type: Introvertive, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging (INFJ). This research concluded that counselors tend to be quiet and reserved and enjoy learning through observation.