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Does my therapist judge me?
Most therapists will not judge you, says Peter Cellarius, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Gatos, California. If they do — after all, they’re human — a good therapist will not let feelings of judgment get in the way of helping you. Although therapists are not obligated to show concern, care, or love to their clients, you should look for one that does. Find someone who wants to truly understand you, takes consideration of your whole context, and can empathize. “As much as therapists are absolutely human beings and can have their feelings hurt, [you can] shift the frame of what this is about,” Dr. Chansky says. “It’s not about hurting that person, it’s about what you need.” Let’s recap. It’s natural and not uncommon to feel close to your therapist and want to be friends with them. However, building a personal relationship with them goes against most mental health counseling codes of ethics. It may also impact your therapeutic process and lessen therapy’s benefits. Therapists & counsellors expect trust in the sense that both parties understand and are committed to spend every session building it. The most critical component of trust is honesty, so consider being upfront about the fact that you do not trust a therapist 100% with certain information to be good practice at honesty.
What is it when you feel like your therapist is judging you?
Try starting by talking to your therapist and giving it some time to see how things change (or don’t change). If you don’t feel better about the relationship after a while, that might be the time to find another therapist to work with. Sometimes therapy doesn’t work because the therapist is a bad fit or doesn’t have the right training. Other times, the client isn’t engaged, needs to give it more time, or is dealing with more significant issues unaddressed by therapy. The process of therapy may cause you to experience uncomfortable or painful feelings, such as sadness, guilt, anxiety, anger, or frustration. Counseling may bring up painful memories. It might disrupt relationships. Although therapists might not like to admit it, there are times when you don’t click with particular clients—or worse, you just don’t like them. Perhaps the person is overly critical or negative, or you find your personalities are not a good match.
How do you know if a therapist is wrong for you?
Some signs of a bad therapist are easy to spot. If your therapist insults or shames you, it’s time to find someone new. Others are more difficult. The therapist might encourage you to blame others or become overly defensive about a criticism. What can I tell my therapist? The short answer is that you can tell your therapist anything – and they hope that you do. It’s a good idea to share as much as possible, because that’s the only way they can help you. Don’t Tell Lies Or Half-Truths That can make it feel even harder when speaking with a mental health professional you’ve just met. If your therapist asks about something that’s difficult for you to discuss, you may resist telling the truth or fail to offer up the details of the situation. Because good counselors are empathic and genuinely care for their clients, sometimes they express emotion when learning about a client’s experience. For example, if the client has experienced the loss of a loved one, the counselor may show sadness. A look can communicate so many things: compassion, caring, warmth. Your therapist’s hope is that if you meet their eyes, you’ll feel their positive regard for you. They want you to know you’re with someone who cares. They want you to know that how you feel and what you say matter to them. We walk a fine line of being on your side but making sure that you are grounded and can maintain proper boundaries. So yes, we as therapists do talk about our clients (clinically) and we do miss our clients because we have entered into this field because we remain hopeful for others.
What to do when you feel judged by your therapist?
Try starting by talking to your therapist and giving it some time to see how things change (or don’t change). If you don’t feel better about the relationship after a while, that might be the time to find another therapist to work with. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. According to Laura Osinoff, executive director of the National Institute for the Psychotherapies in Manhattan, “On average, you can expect to spend one to three years [in therapy] if you are having, for example, relationship problems. You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn’t uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as “erotic transference,” which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist.
Does my therapist think about me outside of sessions?
Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. They point to a theme I often hear from therapists: We want clients to be as invested in the process as we are. We like it when they’re motivated to work in and out of the session, ready to try new things and willing to look deep inside. When these ideal elements are in place, therapy tends to progress nicely. Therapy can last anywhere from one session to several months or even years. It all depends on what you want and need. Some people come to therapy with a very specific problem they need to solve and might find that one or two sessions is sufficient. When a therapist becomes dismissive, defensive, disrespectful, or argumentative when you question what they say, they are bad. Therapists must model healthy relationships and objectively listen to what is being said to them. Dismissive behaviors cause people to question themselves and can lower self esteem. It’s okay to ask your therapist about their life. Any questions you have in therapy are valid and are likely relevant to the therapeutic process. Whether your therapist answers the question and shares personal information can depend on their individual personality, philosophy, and approach to your treatment.
Why do I feel attracted to my therapist?
You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn’t uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as “erotic transference,” which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist. According to new research, 72 percent of therapists surveyed felt friendship toward their clients. 70 percent of therapists had felt sexually attracted to a client at some point; 25 percent fantasized about having a romantic relationship. Knowing that you can say anything to your therapist and it will remain in the room helps you feel safe and builds trust between you and the therapist. For this reason, all therapists are legally and ethically bound to keep their sessions confidential and not share with anyone else what was talked about. It’s no mystery why many therapists report feeling lonely. With a lack of coworkers, an inability to discuss work with loved ones, and a job that requires talking to people all day about their own experiences, working in private practice can feel isolating. Therapists do get frustrated with clients from time to time, but some can handle difficult clients better than others. This may be due to training or inherent personality traits.
Does your therapist actually care?
If you feel genuinely cared for by your therapist, it’s real. It’s too hard to fake that. And the truth is that most therapists (myself and the therapists I refer to) care too much. We do think about you outside of session. Yes. We care. If you feel genuinely cared for by your therapist, it’s real. It’s too hard to fake that. Clients often wonder if their therapists think about them outside of session. The short answer is, yes. Empathetic. Empathy is one of the most important traits a counselor can have. The ability to put themselves in their clients shoes is what separates good counselors from great counselors.
Do therapists tell on you?
In almost all cases, your personal information is held in strict confidence. Only in extreme cases will your therapist need to break confidentiality to keep you or others safe. Overall, therapy is most effective when the client feels safe. Therapists are equipped with good communication skills such as active listening, asking questions, applying appropriate body language and postures, maintaining eye contact, and making conversations all about their clients and not themselves. A safe emotional environment can be achieved through a calm talking voice, a slower speaking pattern, and thoughtful language. Every therapist should be attentive to the fact that each client moves at their own pace. For some, this might be fast and for others, it might take time. We walk a fine line of being on your side but making sure that you are grounded and can maintain proper boundaries. So yes, we as therapists do talk about our clients (clinically) and we do miss our clients because we have entered into this field because we remain hopeful for others. Therapists do get frustrated with clients from time to time, but some can handle difficult clients better than others. This may be due to training or inherent personality traits.