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Can you ask your therapist what they think?
The short answer to the question is: Yes. If you have a question, you should ask. Your questions are valid and likely relevant to the therapeutic process. (Blatantly inappropriate questions are of course a different story.) It’s okay to ask your therapist about their life. Any questions you have in therapy are valid and are likely relevant to the therapeutic process. Whether your therapist answers the question and shares personal information can depend on their individual personality, philosophy, and approach to your treatment. So, rest assured that it’s probably fine to ask your therapist how they’re doing and other small talk questions, but Dr. Babbel says there are definitely some questions you shouldn’t ask, like how old they are, or if they’ve ever been married. Well-timed, the question can lead to breakthroughs regarding unhelpful patterns, difficult feelings, and negative interpersonal relationships. It can reconnect you with any feelings you may be trying to avoid by overthinking the situation. So, yes, the question may be an attempt to interrupt and go deeper. So go ahead and ask the question, if you want to. However, it’s also important—and okay—not to ask, if you’d rather not or if you’re genuinely not interested or don’t want to bring a personal component into the work. You have every right to protect your own boundaries, not just during this pandemic, but at all times.
What should you not ask a therapist?
Discussing the facts of a situation without delving into your related emotions. Asking for prescription medication without being willing to put in the work in therapy. Believing your therapist can and will “cure” you. Talking about every detail of your day to avoid discussing uncomfortable topics. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. We walk a fine line of being on your side but making sure that you are grounded and can maintain proper boundaries. So yes, we as therapists do talk about our clients (clinically) and we do miss our clients because we have entered into this field because we remain hopeful for others. So the best way to approach your therapist in public is to do as my patient’s friend suggested: Say hello. Most of us will simply return the greeting and look forward to seeing you back in the office.
Is it OK to tell your therapist everything?
What can I tell my therapist? The short answer is that you can tell your therapist anything – and they hope that you do. It’s a good idea to share as much as possible, because that’s the only way they can help you. Is Therapy Confidential? In almost every instance, therapy is absolutely confidential. You therapist is required to maintain confidentiality about everything said in sessions between the two of you, just like a doctor is required to keep your records private. Yes. We care. If you feel genuinely cared for by your therapist, it’s real. It’s too hard to fake that. Developing romantic feelings for your therapist is common, and it’s called transference. A look can communicate so many things: compassion, caring, warmth. Your therapist’s hope is that if you meet their eyes, you’ll feel their positive regard for you. They want you to know you’re with someone who cares. They want you to know that how you feel and what you say matter to them.
Am I supposed to ask my therapist how they are?
It’s okay to ask your therapist about their life. Any questions you have in therapy are valid and are likely relevant to the therapeutic process. Whether your therapist answers the question and shares personal information can depend on their individual personality, philosophy, and approach to your treatment. It’s natural and not uncommon to feel close to your therapist and want to be friends with them. However, building a personal relationship with them goes against most mental health counseling codes of ethics. It may also impact your therapeutic process and lessen therapy’s benefits. Turns out it’s pretty easy to find resources and articles that say no, it’s not recommended. The reasons given (often by therapists) include splitting, conflicting treatment plans, creating secrets (especially if they aren’t aware of each other or aren’t in communication). Short answer: yes. A new study published on January 15 in the Journal of Clinical Psychology finds that 86% of the therapists interviewed by the study’s authors say they sometimes do look up their patients on the Internet. If your first few sessions feel awkward, you’re not alone. Starting therapy can be especially awkward if you’ve not been in therapy before. If you feel weird at first when you’re talking to your therapist, don’t worry. It takes a while to get used to therapy, but you’ll eventually get the hang of it.
What does a therapist want to hear?
You can talk about whatever you want. True, some people come to therapy to address something specific, like anxiety or depression. But sometimes, people are just going through a life transition and want someone to talk with and help them cope with the change. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. And don’t worry: the biggest, most central thing on your therapist’s mind is going to be YOU. Most of her attention will be focused on simply listening to you, and really wanting to get a good sense of who you are, and how you experience your life. Is Therapy Confidential? In almost every instance, therapy is absolutely confidential. You therapist is required to maintain confidentiality about everything said in sessions between the two of you, just like a doctor is required to keep your records private.
Do therapists know what they’re doing?
They take the time to educate themselves. While your therapist might be an expert in certain areas of human psychology, that doesn’t mean they know everything. Depending on how long they’ve practiced and how specialized they are, some of what you bring to the table might be new to them. That’s perfectly normal. Therapists do get frustrated with clients from time to time, but some can handle difficult clients better than others. This may be due to training or inherent personality traits. It’s not uncommon for therapists to have feelings for clients, and vice versa—call it transference, countertransference, or something else. But we have to remember that it’s the therapist’s job to meet the client’s therapeutic needs and goals, not the therapist’s own personal or professional wants and needs. Our clients might be letting us know finally how they have felt, being left in their lives—frustrated, discounted, ignored, worthless, abandoned or powerless, perhaps—which is often how therapists feel when clients leave without warning or discussion. They give it to us good over the psychic airwaves.
Can I ask my therapist for their notes?
Unlike other medical records, therapy notes are subject to special protections, which means you can request them, but that doesn’t mean your therapist has any obligation to let you see them. All therapists are legally required to maintain confidentiality for their clients. Confidentiality means that a therapist cannot confirm or deny even treating the client if someone asks. Furthermore, they cannot discuss any revealing contact information, such as a client’s name or demographics, outside of the session. You have specific rights when disclosing your diagnosis as a client receiving therapy. For example, it’s your right to ask your therapist to tell you if they believe you have a mental health condition. If you want a diagnosis, you can ask your therapist upfront. Clinicians often use a template for their progress notes, such as the DAP or SOAP format. Notes in the DAP—data, assessment, and plan—format typically include data about the individual and their presentation in the session, the therapist’s assessment of the issues and progress, and a plan for future sessions. What can I tell my therapist? The short answer is that you can tell your therapist anything – and they hope that you do. It’s a good idea to share as much as possible, because that’s the only way they can help you. What can I tell my therapist? The short answer is that you can tell your therapist anything – and they hope that you do. It’s a good idea to share as much as possible, because that’s the only way they can help you.