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How do I know if my therapist has feelings for me?
So, to answer the question, “Is my therapist attracted to me?”– the context of their actions is crucial. The actions may include a shift in boundaries, such as allowing sessions to go overtime or taking your calls between sessions, or if they appear to seek out opportunities to touch you deliberately. You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn’t uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as “erotic transference,” which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist. It’s not uncommon for therapists to have feelings for clients, and vice versa—call it transference, countertransference, or something else. But we have to remember that it’s the therapist’s job to meet the client’s therapeutic needs and goals, not the therapist’s own personal or professional wants and needs. Therapists’ Feelings and Behaviors Toward Clients Most therapists (71 percent) said they, either sometimes or regularly, found a client sexually attractive. Approximately 23 percent had fantasized about being in a romantic relationship and 27 percent about having sexual contact with a patient. They point to a theme I often hear from therapists: We want clients to be as invested in the process as we are. We like it when they’re motivated to work in and out of the session, ready to try new things and willing to look deep inside. When these ideal elements are in place, therapy tends to progress nicely.
What to do if you are attracted to your therapist?
Be completely honest and transparent. If you start developing feelings for your therapist, tell him or her about it. “Be honest with yourself and with your therapist,” Scharf says. “Your therapist could talk those feelings through with you, what they mean and how to manage them. Developing feelings for your therapist is actually pretty common. The therapeutic relationship is unique in that it’s so personal on one side, yet impersonal on the other. When working with a therapist, one of the first things they will pick up on is your body language. People use their bodies to tell stories, and when there are inconsistencies in their stories or if they are not truthful, body language is a good way to pick up on those cues. Put simply, the therapist falls in love with the client. Transference can be a conscious or unconscious act. It can also happen within other types of relationships, including: parents.
What to do if you’re attracted to your therapist?
Be completely honest and transparent. If you start developing feelings for your therapist, tell him or her about it. “Be honest with yourself and with your therapist,” Scharf says. “Your therapist could talk those feelings through with you, what they mean and how to manage them. It’s natural and not uncommon to feel close to your therapist and want to be friends with them. However, building a personal relationship with them goes against most mental health counseling codes of ethics. It may also impact your therapeutic process and lessen therapy’s benefits. American Counseling Association. Your therapist’s relationship with you exists between sessions, even if you don’t communicate with each other. She thinks of your conversations, as well, continuing to reflect on key moments as the week unfolds. She may even reconsider an opinion she had or an intervention she made during a session. A look can communicate so many things: compassion, caring, warmth. Your therapist’s hope is that if you meet their eyes, you’ll feel their positive regard for you. They want you to know you’re with someone who cares. They want you to know that how you feel and what you say matter to them. Therapists are equipped with good communication skills such as active listening, asking questions, applying appropriate body language and postures, maintaining eye contact, and making conversations all about their clients and not themselves. Yes. We care. If you feel genuinely cared for by your therapist, it’s real. It’s too hard to fake that.
Can a therapist tell if you are attracted to them?
Is it normal for a therapist to like their client? A very qualified psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist should be able to sense that their patients or clients may be attracted to them. However, that doesn’t mean that the patient or client is even aware of this attraction. 70 percent of therapists had felt sexually attracted to a client at some point; 25 percent fantasized about having a romantic relationship. However, actual relationships were very rare: only three percent had started a sexual relationship with a client. You may be surprised to know that what you are experiencing with your therapist isn’t uncommon. In fact, what you are likely experiencing is a phenomenon known as “erotic transference,” which is when a person experiences feelings of love or fantasies of a sexual or sensual nature about his or her therapist. It’s just a hug when they need one. It’s not weird to ask. It’s okay… even human… to ask. Whether or not your therapist is comfortable with it is not even your concern. We walk a fine line of being on your side but making sure that you are grounded and can maintain proper boundaries. So yes, we as therapists do talk about our clients (clinically) and we do miss our clients because we have entered into this field because we remain hopeful for others. Because a therapy session is totally and completely about you, it isn’t quite a two-way conversation. A therapist or psychiatrist is actually trained to listen. They are not only listening to what you are saying, they are listening for what you are not saying.
Why am I so curious about my therapist?
You are trusting them with a great deal of information and influence in your life, so it makes sense to wonder about them a bit. The fact that you’re curious means you’ve allowed them to become an important figure, and you’re doing that because you want a better life. By starting your conversations with ‘why’, it can send off signals of judgement from you, and indicate a lack of trust in their own judgement.